May 2012
3 posts
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I probably already have the black plague. Which,...
I am sitting in my newish flat (new to me, anyway, but actually very old), desperately trying to write the HUGE paper that is due tomorrow that I have been trying to write for weeks but am COMPLETELY UNABLE to focus on, and a MOUSE but more likely a rat just crawled up from behind the oven and across the counter. Fucksicles. Especially since I still don’t have a bed and am sleeping on...
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England's foresight is not 20/20
My dad told me that when he was a kid in England there was a safety campaign to help kids learn to cross the street with the slogan “Stop. Look. Listen. Cross.” He said that they ended up have to change it to “Stop. Look. Listen. Cross if there are no cars”, because kids kept stopping, looking, listening, then walking right into the path of oncoming traffic.
April 2012
7 posts
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I react to certain doom in a certain way: Man,... →
swankology:
I just had a conversation with my mom that went something like this:
Me: I hate when my brain noise gets so loud that I can’t tell if I’m making noise or not.
Mom: …What?
Me: Well, when I go to the bathroom at school and close the stall door, I’m so excited about having a private moment that…
It runs in the family. This is like nature vs. nurture does poop: all three of us...
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I'm missing the point
My new policy of forcing myself to first do a wall sit every time I want to sit down is just making it so I never get up in the first place.
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Here's how you know we live in a patriarchy:
We can make a synthetic trachea and create suits that protect men in space and under the ocean, but thongs are still the best solution for women’s panty line problems.
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I just realized that I self-medicate with the...
Then I thought, “Well, it’s better than alcohol.”
Probably I shouldn’t be ranking my hobbies on whether or not they are worse than alcoholism.
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There can only be one. (not really, but you can...
On the rare occasions that I’m not talking about genitals, dead animals, or my conspiracy theories/hallucinations, I am usually talking about the Doula Project, which is the fabbity fab organization I work with to support pregnant people through all possible outcomes of pregnancy. Basically we do the standard doula thing- provide physical, emotional, and informational support- but we aim to...
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These thoughts are in no way related, thanks Freud
There is not enough mass hysteria in my life.
Also, Sweden and Norway look remarkably like a penis. There is no way I am the first person to think this.
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Things to Say That Won't Make Your Mother Feel...
swankology:
“No it’s okay, we’ve been drinking since eleven this morning.”
Ladies and gentlemen: Izzy, my 18 year old sister. Happy Easter! I don’t think my mother will ever leave us alone in the house again.
Hallelujah, Christ has risen. And so has Izzy’s BAC.
March 2012
8 posts
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He Doesn't Deserve a Dead Antelope After All
In other news, I saw my gorgeous medical student again, and he wasn’t nearly as hot as I remembered. Damn.
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Cowardice, or Urban Survival Strategy?
May I just point out how weird it is that there are people who stand around yelling about crazy stuff and we just completely ignore them, like we cannot even see the dude standing in the middle of the subway car yelling about the god of Abraham and how he istotally going to smite you, motherfucker.
Because I totally saw that dude and I kind of wanted to know why, specifically, the God of Abraham...
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And then I drowned in a sea of juice and...
I went to a stellar yoga class last night at a studio in Soho I’d never been to, which was great, but then I freaked myself out by being able to guess where the teacher had done her training just by her style. So I was like, it’s fine, I’ll just go home and eat a raw steak, but then I realized that I don’t have any meat in the flat, just litres of fresh vegetable juice from...
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Help me, tumblr
There is a dead cockroach in my bathtub and I’m too grossed out to touch it, but I really really need a shower.
It is the grossest thing ever, though how smelly and sweaty I am is a close second.
How unsafe and/or pathetic would it be to put a sign in the entrance of my building offering to give someone chocolate for removing it for me?
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Elbow cancer is contagious
I’m eating sushi and a guy just skateboarded into an open grate on the sidewalk right in front of me, which was alarming and noisy but also hilarious. (Since he was fine, obviously, I’m not totally heartless.)
Then I developed sudden, acute elbow pain and I realized I probably have elbow cancer, and since Death was cheated of his skateboarding prey he might have fixated on me...
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And then they sectioned me
I’m telling tumblr this because not enough people in my life get how awesome it is. My cousin, who works at a bookstore and is a goddess among women, gave me the advanced reader copy she got of ‘Let’s Pretend This Never Happened’ by the Bloggess, aka Jenny Lawson, hero of the internets. When she gave it to me I did a lot of excited squeeing and waved my hands a lot.
And...
February 2012
1 post
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Malleus Maleficarum
My professor just told our class that all those Greek statues of naked men don’t have penises because people freaked out about nudes and cut them off. Then they put them in drawers and labeled them with index cards.
Can you picture that? A drawer full of stone dicks. I feel like there ought to be more things to say about this but my neurons have the vapors from that image and my brain has...
January 2012
7 posts
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More people are bitten each year by New Yorkers...
(via whitepajamas)
I think so far in 2012 I may be single handedly upholding this statistic. As best I can tell there have been six shark attacks so far this year, and I have definitely bitten people at least six times. Does it count if it’s all the same person?
On average there are 65 shark attacks a year. I don’t know if I could bite that many people and get away with it… but...
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I need a little less imagination and a little more...
I’ve been home alone for two days (well, except for the dog), and my mother and sister are coming back in a few hours, and now is when I finally freak myself out that there is an alien/burglar/thing in the house. Watching a Sherlock/Dr. Who marathon was maybe not the best idea. I had a shower and then I heard bumping and thank God I’d already rinsed my hair because I was out of there...
travelnerd asked: What's your major?
Anonymous asked: Bahahaha! I think I love you, you crazy pants! Keep up the good work girlie. :)
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Forth Eorlingas!
So I’ve still not met Mary, the woman my father lives with. BUT I’ve met their dog Callie, and I’ve been in their house. The other day I was sitting on their couch talking to my dad and my sister and petting Callie and for some reason I started thinking about Brangelina, and then I was all ‘Oh what would YOUR portmanteau be, Dad?’ and then I realized that Mary+Callum=...
December 2011
2 posts
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Doula Love
Everything I’ve written about being an abortion doula is from experiences I’ve had volunteering for the New York Doula Project. I’ve been interning here all semester, and it’s been a completely amazing experience. Please consider donating this holiday season to help us continue our vital work! Even $5 helps. Here is the donation page. And here is the appeal from our...
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LOOK AT MY HOLIDAY CARD!
http://www.zazzle.com/emo_holiday_card-137157005617949886
You should probably buy these to send to all your friends and family.
November 2011
5 posts
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How to Make Your Family Uncomfortable
Bear with me for a minute while I share uncomfortable personal information; it’s necessary back story so we can get to the good stuff. Don’t worry, I’ll be brief. Uncomfortable is kind of the name of the game here, anyway- I’m aiming for that sweet spot between Wednesday Addams and ‘There’s Something Wrong With Esther’.
Disclaimer: I do not actually...
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The misogyny here is unreal →
Everything about this is horrifying. Using their backgrounds and financial histories to invalidate their sexual abuse accusations is awful enough, but it goes even further. I think the bit that pushed me over the edge was when Rush Limbaugh referred to them as ‘babes’. How demeaning can you get?
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Story that deserves better than a flip title
Warning: this is a seriously heartbreaking story about a woman I worked with recently, who had to end a highly desired pregnancy. Don’t feel like you have to read it. Also, don’t be an asshole. Give your empathy muscles a workout.
As you may know, I’m an abortion doula. I accompany women through their abortions- see this post for more about that. I recently worked with a woman,...
October 2011
9 posts
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Texts about a gorgeous medical student: (also...
Me: I am in a state of insanity and desperate lust and we've barely spoken and I don't know what to do!!!!! Except possibly stalk him forever and leave dead animals in his bed?
Cousin: What's his name. What's he look like. What dead animal would look best tenderly placed beside his sleeping form?
Me: Dr. xxxxxxxxxx, gorgeous and tall and strong and tan with dark hair and huge muscles, and a dead cat. Or an antelope.
Cousin: If you really want to impress, definitely go with the antelope. It speaks of determination.
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Oh Rookie, You Just Described Me From 9-14 (at... →
My friends and I were totally convinced for years that we were magic. Actually, I was totally convinced and power of persuasion and awesomeness had everyone else half playing along and half agreeing. Of course, I branched out and decided that it was cooler to be a god than a witch, because not only could I control stuff but people would have to obey me and sacrifice cookies to appease me. I wonder...
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“I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you, I challenge you: To speak with conviction. To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks the determination with which you believe it. Because contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker, it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY. You have to speak with it, too.”
-Taylor Mali, from the poem ‘Totally like whatever,...
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I'll Take a Side of Audience Participation With my...
You know what’s weird? How when you ride the subway in the morning and everyone’s jammed in like sardines but totally off in their in little worlds you hear about 20 different songs at any given time, because they are all plugged into their ipods like life support and everyone’s deaf so they’ve got the volume maxed out. I was jamming along to a combination of techno, Taylor Swift, rap and Lady...
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http://www.observer.com/2011/09/occupy-wall-streets... →
I want to be able to support Occupy Wall street, and I do conceptually, but what are their goals? I don’t understand what precisely they want. Are they just going to stay there forever?
They are complaining about the elite, but all they are saying is that they want this fixed. It seems like they are saying that they are mad, so do something about this politicians! AKA, they are asking the...
September 2011
17 posts
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Because Rookie is the best thing ever →
“I want the guys who regularly perpetuate the same bullshit that the list was made of to know that, congratulations on your high self-esteem, but you are mistaken if you think anyone is interested in your opinion of their body parts. I want them to know that I don’t have to smile, or react at all, to their backhanded compliments. I want them to know that I don’t exist for them to look...
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http://rookiemag.com/2011/09/hands-off/ →
This is such a great story, and I admit I actually teared up reading it. What an amazing and brave thing to do.
Also how much do I love Rookie for telling young girls things like this? I just missed Sassy, and that still bums me out. I found my own way, but it was an awkward process. I would have loved to have things like this to read about for inspiration.
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Abortion without shame →
This is a wonderful article. They are very much preaching to the choir, but they do a beautiful job of saying it. Over the past few weeks of working with women having abortions I have been thinking a lot about the dramatic differences in how women approach it. There are women who are heartbroken at losing a highly desired pregnancy, whether because there is a severe fetal abnormality or because a...
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I bet Lucrezia Borgia would've been a beast with a...
I’m standing in a costume store, and the song playing seems to be repeatedly advising me to ‘hit that bitch with a bottle’. I’m having a personal epiphany. This is what I’ve been doing wrong- fuck communication and manners and restraining negative emotions. Who needs to be able to negotiate when she can hit that bitch with a bottle? Indeed. Perhaps I have found a new...
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Revolution Girl Style, 20 Years Later →
loveyourrebellion:
From NPR
There’s a ton that is great in this article, but it was the bit about recycling culture that most made me think. We live in the internet age, so unless what you come up with is really staggeringly different chances are it already exists in some form, and you can easily find it. People make their own versions of preexisting culture, but in essence most of us...
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Please, for the love of all that is sacred,
tell me what makes a shade of nailpolish ‘the next big thing’? I saw an article today that gleefully told women they could finally retire their ‘greige’ nail polish, because ‘navy is the shade of the season!’ What changed? WHY????? WHO DECIDED????
I mean, those icky grey-brown shades have been ugly from the beginning, but there were at least a few years where...
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Handlebar Mustaches and Abortions
Last night my roommate and I went for burgers as my ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ meal. The specialty drink was called ‘The Handlebar Mustache’.
That is all.
Also I’m off to start another three day process of second trimester abortions shortly. Today and tomorrow with the women while they get lams, Thursday in the OR all day. I love what I’ve been doing so...